Journal of Evolutionary Psychology
Volume/Issue:
Volume 12: Issue 2-4

Sex differences in relationship conflict and reconciliation

Authors:
R. Dunbar University of Oxford Department of Experimental Psychology South Parks Rd Oxford OX1 3UD UK

Search for other papers by R. Dunbar in
Current site
Google Scholar
PubMed Close
and
A. Machin University of Oxford Department of Experimental Psychology South Parks Rd Oxford OX1 3UD UK

Search for other papers by A. Machin in
Current site
Google Scholar
PubMed Close
Pages:
109–133
Online Publication Date:
17 May 2014
Publication Date:
01 Dec 2014
Article Category:
Research Article
DOI:
https://doi.org/10.1556/jep-d-13-00024
Keywords:
social network; gender differences; relationship breakdown; conflict; reconciliation
Restricted access

Friendships and other relationships are crucial to human fitness, yet such relationships often terminate acrimoniously. We explore the pattern of relationship conflict, and the processes of reconciliation that are used to repair them. In this sample, an individual fell out with one member of their extended network, on average, every 7.2 months. Conflict with very close family is surprisingly high; nonetheless, most conflicts involve unrelated individuals (friends, colleagues), suggesting that kin relationships are relatively more buffered against the stresses that trigger conflict (reflecting the “kinship premium”). Around 40% of conflicts remain unreconciled after a year. There were striking sex differences in the intimacy of the relationships involved in breakdown, and the precipitating causes, as well as whom participants reported falling out with. These patterns may reflect women’s preference for fewer, more intimate (and correspondingly more fragile) relationships. The functional origins of this gender difference are not well understood.

  • Adams, A. M., Madhavan, S. and Simon, D. (2002): Women’s social networks and child survival in Mali. Social Science and Medicine, 54, 165–178.

    Simon D. , 'Women’s social networks and child survival in Mali ' (2002 ) 54 Social Science and Medicine : 165 -178 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Argyle, M. and Henderson, M. (1984): The rules of friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1, 211–237.

    Henderson M. , 'The rules of friendship ' (1984 ) 1 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships : 211 -237 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Aureli, F. (ed.) (2000): Natural Conflict Resolution. University of California Press: Berkeley CA.

    '', in Natural Conflict Resolution , (2000 ) -.

  • Aureli, F., van Schaik, C. P. and van Hooff, J. A. R. A. M. (1989): Functional aspects of reconciliation among captive long-tailed macaques (Macaca fascicularis). American Journal of Primatology, 19, 39–51.

    van Hooff J. A. R. A. M. , 'Functional aspects of reconciliation among captive long-tailed macaques (Macaca fascicularis) ' (1989 ) 19 American Journal of Primatology : 39 -51 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Becker, J. A. H., Janan Johnson, A., Craig, E. A., Gilchrist, E. S., Haigh, E. M. and Lane. L. T. (2009): Friendships are flexible, not fragile: Turning points in geographically-close and long-distance friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 26, 347–369.

    Lane L. T. , 'Friendships are flexible, not fragile: Turning points in geographically-close and long-distance friendships ' (2009 ) 26 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships : 347 -369 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Benenson, J. F. and Christakos, A. (2003): The greater fragility of females’ versus males’ closest same-sex friendships. Child Development, 74, 1123–1129.

    Christakos A. , 'The greater fragility of females’ versus males’ closest same-sex friendships ' (2003 ) 74 Child Development : 1123 -1129 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Berkman, L. F. (1984): Assessing the physical health effects of social networks and social support. Annual Review of Public Health, 5, 413–432.

    Berkman L. F. , 'Assessing the physical health effects of social networks and social support ' (1984 ) 5 Annual Review of Public Health : 413 -432 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Bernard, H. R., Killworth, P. D. and Sailer, L. (1980): Informant accuracy in social network data 4: A comparison of clique-level structure in behavioral and cognitive network data. Social Networks, 2, 191–218.

    Sailer L. , 'Informant accuracy in social network data 4: A comparison of clique-level structure in behavioral and cognitive network data ' (1980 ) 2 Social Networks : 191 -218 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Bernard, H. R., Killworth, P. D. and Sailer, L. (1982): Informant accuracy in social-network data. 5. An experimental attempt to predict actual communication from recall data. Social Science Research, 11, 30–66.

    Sailer L. , 'Informant accuracy in social-network data. 5. An experimental attempt to predict actual communication from recall data ' (1982 ) 11 Social Science Research : 30 -66 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Blieszner, R. and Adams, R. G. (1992): Adult Friendship. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.

    Adams R. G. , '', in Adult Friendship , (1992 ) -.

  • Burt, R. S. (2000): Decay functions. Social Networks, 22, 1–28.

    Burt R. S. , 'Decay functions ' (2000 ) 22 Social Networks : 1 -28 .

  • Burton-Chellew, M. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2011): Are affines treated as biological kin? A test of Hughes’ hypothesis. Current Anthropology, 52, 741–746.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Are affines treated as biological kin? A test of Hughes’ hypothesis ' (2011 ) 52 Current Anthropology : 741 -746 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Curry, O. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2011): Altruism in networks: The effect of connections. Biology Letters, 7, 651–653.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Altruism in networks: The effect of connections ' (2011 ) 7 Biology Letters : 651 -653 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Curry, O., Roberts, S. B. G. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2012): Altruism in social networks: Evidence for a “kinship premium”. British Journal of Psychology, 104, 283–295.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Altruism in social networks: Evidence for a “kinship premium” ' (2012 ) 104 British Journal of Psychology : 283 -295 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Curry, O. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2013): Do birds of a feather flock together? The relationship between similarity and altruism in social networks. Human Nature, 24, 336–347.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Do birds of a feather flock together? The relationship between similarity and altruism in social networks ' (2013 ) 24 Human Nature : 336 -347 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Dindia, K. and Allen, M. (1992): Sex differences in self-disclosure: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 112, 106–124.

    Allen M. , 'Sex differences in self-disclosure: A meta-analysis ' (1992 ) 112 Psychological Bulletin : 106 -124 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Dunbar, R. I. M. (2008): Cognitive constraints on the structure and dynamics of social networks. Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice, 12, 7–16.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Cognitive constraints on the structure and dynamics of social networks ' (2008 ) 12 Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice : 7 -16 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Dunbar, R. I. M. and Spoors, M. (1995): Social networks, support cliques and kinship. Human Nature, 6, 273–290.

    Spoors M. , 'Social networks, support cliques and kinship ' (1995 ) 6 Human Nature : 273 -290 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Fowler, J. H. and Christakis, N. A. (2008): The dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network. British Medical Journal, 337, a2338.

    Christakis N. A. , 'The dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network ' (2008 ) 337 British Medical Journal : a2338 -.

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Freeman, L. C., Freeman, S. C. and Michaelson, A. G. (1988): On human social intelligence. Journal of Social and Biological Structures, 11, 415–425.

    Michaelson A. G. , 'On human social intelligence ' (1988 ) 11 Journal of Social and Biological Structures : 415 -425 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Freeman, L. C., Romney, A. K. and Freeman, S. C. (1987): Cognitive structure and informant accuracy. American Anthropologist, 89, 310–325.

    Freeman S. C. , 'Cognitive structure and informant accuracy ' (1987 ) 89 American Anthropologist : 310 -325 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Hall, J. A. (2011): Sex differences in friendship expectations: A meta-analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28, 723–747.

    Hall J. A. , 'Sex differences in friendship expectations: A meta-analysis ' (2011 ) 28 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships : 723 -747 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • House, J. S. (2001): Social isolation kills, but how and why? Psychosomatic Medicine, 63, 273–274.

    House J. S. , 'Social isolation kills, but how and why? ' (2001 ) 63 Psychosomatic Medicine : 273 -274 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Johnson, A. J., Wittenberg, E., Villagran, M. M., Mazur, M. and Villagran, P. (2003): Relational progression as a dialectic: Examining turning points in communication among friends. Communication Monographs, 70, 230–249.

    Villagran P. , 'Relational progression as a dialectic: Examining turning points in communication among friends ' (2003 ) 70 Communication Monographs : 230 -249 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Kaplan, R. H. and Toshima, M. T. (1990): The functional effects of social relationships on chronic illness and disability. In: Sarason, B. R. (ed.): Social Support: An Interactional View. New York: Wiley.

    Toshima M. T. , '', in Social Support: An Interactional View , (1990 ) -.

  • Kon, I. S. and Losenkov, V. A. (1978): Friendship in adolescence: Values and behavior. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 40, 143–155.

    Losenkov V. A. , 'Friendship in adolescence: Values and behavior ' (1978 ) 40 Journal of Marriage and the Family : 143 -155 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Korchmaros, J. D. and Kenny, D. A. (2001): Emotional closeness as a mediator of the effect of genetic relatedness on altruism. Psychological Science, 12, 262–265.

    Kenny D. A. , 'Emotional closeness as a mediator of the effect of genetic relatedness on altruism ' (2001 ) 12 Psychological Science : 262 -265 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Machin, A. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2013): Impact of the biological market on selection of best friends and romantic partners. Journal of Relationship Research, 4, e8, 1–10.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Impact of the biological market on selection of best friends and romantic partners ' (2013 ) 4 Journal of Relationship Research : 1 -10 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Madsen, E., Tunney, R., Fieldman, G., Plotkin, H., Dunbar, R. I. M., Richardson, J. and McFarland, D. J. (2007): Kinship and altruism: A cross-cultural experimental study. British Journal of Psychology, 98, 339–359.

    McFarland D. J. , 'Kinship and altruism: A cross-cultural experimental study ' (2007 ) 98 British Journal of Psychology : 339 -359 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • McPherson, M., Smith-Lovin, L. and Cook, J. M. (2001): Birds of a feather: Homophily in social networks. Annual Review of Sociology, 27, 415–444.

    Cook J. M. , 'Birds of a feather: Homophily in social networks ' (2001 ) 27 Annual Review of Sociology : 415 -444 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • O’Connor, P. (1992): Friendships between Women: A Critical Review. New York: Guilford.

    O’Connor P. , '', in Friendships between Women: A Critical Review , (1992 ) -.

  • Oswald, D. L. and Clark, E. M. (2003): Best friends forever? High school best friendships and the transition to college. Personal Relationships, 10, 187–196.

    Clark E. M. , 'Best friends forever? High school best friendships and the transition to college ' (2003 ) 10 Personal Relationships : 187 -196 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Reblin, M. and Uchino, B. N. (2008): Social and emotional support and its implication for health. Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 21, 201–205.

    Uchino B. N. , 'Social and emotional support and its implication for health ' (2008 ) 21 Current Opinion in Psychiatry : 201 -205 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Roberts, S. G. B. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2011a): The costs of family and friends: An 18-month longitudinal study of relationship maintenance and decay. Evolution and Human Behavior, 32, 186–197.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'The costs of family and friends: An 18-month longitudinal study of relationship maintenance and decay ' (2011 ) 32 Evolution and Human Behavior : 186 -197 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Roberts, S. G. B. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2011b): Communication in social networks: Effects of kinship, network size, and emotional closeness. Personal Relationships, 18, 439–452.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Communication in social networks: Effects of kinship, network size, and emotional closeness ' (2011 ) 18 Personal Relationships : 439 -452 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Roberts, S. G. B., Dunbar, R. I. M., Pollet, T. V. and Kuppens, T. (2009): Exploring variation in active network size: Constraints and ego characteristics. Social Networks, 31, 138–146.

    Kuppens T. , 'Exploring variation in active network size: Constraints and ego characteristics ' (2009 ) 31 Social Networks : 138 -146 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Roberts, S. G. B., Wilson, R., Fedurek, P. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2008): Individual differences and personal social network size and structure. Personality and Individual Differences, 44, 954–964.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Individual differences and personal social network size and structure ' (2008 ) 44 Personality and Individual Differences : 954 -964 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Shackelford, T. H. and Buss, D. M. (1996): Betrayal in mateships, friendships and coalitions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 22, 1161–1164.

    Buss D. M. , 'Betrayal in mateships, friendships and coalitions ' (1996 ) 22 Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin : 1161 -1164 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Rodseth, L., Wrangham, R. W., Harrigan, A. and Smuts, B. B. (1991): The human community as a primate society. Current Anthropology, 32, 429–433.

    Smuts B. B. , 'The human community as a primate society ' (1991 ) 32 Current Anthropology : 429 -433 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Rose, S. and Serafica, F. C. (1986): Keeping and ending casual, close and best friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 3, 275–288.

    Serafica F. C. , 'Keeping and ending casual, close and best friendships ' (1986 ) 3 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships : 275 -288 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Silk, J. B. (2002): The form and function of reconciliation in primates. Annual Review of Anthropology, 31, 21–44.

    Silk J. B. , 'The form and function of reconciliation in primates ' (2002 ) 31 Annual Review of Anthropology : 21 -44 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Silk, J. B., Alberts, S. C. and Altmann, J. (2003): Social bonds of female baboons enhance infant survival. Science, 302, 1231–1234.

    Altmann J. , 'Social bonds of female baboons enhance infant survival ' (2003 ) 302 Science : 1231 -1234 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Silk, J. B., Beehner, J. C., Bergman, T. J., Crockford, C., Engh, A. L., Moscovice, L. R., Wittig, R. M., Seyfarth, R. M. and Cheney, D. L. (2009): The benefits of social capital: Close social bonds among female baboons enhance offspring survival. Proceedings of the Royal Society, London, 276B, 3099–3104.

    Cheney D. L. , 'The benefits of social capital: Close social bonds among female baboons enhance offspring survival ' (2009 ) 276B Proceedings of the Royal Society, London : 3099 -3104 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Simpson, J. A. (1987): The dissolution of romantic relationships: Factors involved in relationship dissolution and emotional distress. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 683–682.

    Simpson J. A. , 'The dissolution of romantic relationships: Factors involved in relationship dissolution and emotional distress ' (1987 ) 53 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology : 683 -682 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Smith, K. P. and Christakis, N. A. (2008): Social networks and health. Annual Review of Sociology, 34, 405–429.

    Christakis N. A. , 'Social networks and health ' (2008 ) 34 Annual Review of Sociology : 405 -429 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Spence, J. (1954): One Thousand Families in Newcastle. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

    Spence J. , '', in One Thousand Families in Newcastle , (1954 ) -.

  • Stiller, J. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2007): Perspective-taking and memory capacity predict social network size. Social Networks, 29, 93–104.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Perspective-taking and memory capacity predict social network size ' (2007 ) 29 Social Networks : 93 -104 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Sutcliffe, A. J., Dunbar, R. I. M., Binder, J. and Arrow, H. (2012): Relationships and the social brain: Integrating psychological and evolutionary perspectives. British Journal of Psychology, 103, 149–168.

    Arrow H. , 'Relationships and the social brain: Integrating psychological and evolutionary perspectives ' (2012 ) 103 British Journal of Psychology : 149 -168 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Vigil, J. M. (2007): Asymmetries in the friendship preferences and social styles of men and women. Human Nature, 18, 143–161.

    Vigil J. M. , 'Asymmetries in the friendship preferences and social styles of men and women ' (2007 ) 18 Human Nature : 143 -161 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • de Waal and Frans B. M. (1993): Reconciliation among primates: A review of empirical evidence and unresolved issues. In: W.A. Mason and S.P. Mendoza (eds.): Primate Social Conflict. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press, pp. 111–144.

    Frans B. M. , '', in Primate Social Conflict , (1993 ) -.

  • Winstead, B. A. and Griffin, J. L. (2001): Friendship styles. In J. Worell (ed.): Encyclopedia of Women and Gender. Boston: Academic Press, pp. 481–492.

    Griffin J. L. , '', in Encyclopedia of Women and Gender , (2001 ) -.

  • Wittig, R. M. and Boesch, C. (2005): How to repair relationships — reconciliation in wild chimpanzees (Pan troglodytes). Ethology, 111, 736–763.

    Boesch C. , 'How to repair relationships — reconciliation in wild chimpanzees (Pan troglodytes) ' (2005 ) 111 Ethology : 736 -763 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Wittig, R. M., Crockford, C., Lehmann, J., Whitten, P. L., Seyfarth, R. M. and Cheney, D. L. (2008): Focused grooming networks and stress alleviation in wild female baboons. Hormones and Behavior, 54, 170–177.

    Cheney D. L. , 'Focused grooming networks and stress alleviation in wild female baboons ' (2008 ) 54 Hormones and Behavior : 170 -177 .

    • Search Google Scholar

  • Wright, P. H. (1998). Toward an expanded orientation to the study of sex differences in friendship. In: D. J. Canary and K. Dindia (eds.): Sex Differences and Similarities in Communication. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum, pp. 41–63.

    Wright P. H. , '', in Sex Differences and Similarities in Communication , (1998 ) -.

  • Zhou, W-X., Sornette, D., Hill, R. A. and Dunbar, R. I. M. (2005): Discrete hierarchical organization of social group sizes. Proceedings of the Royal Society, London, 272B, 439–444.

    Dunbar R. I. M. , 'Discrete hierarchical organization of social group sizes ' (2005 ) 272B Proceedings of the Royal Society, London : 439 -444 .

    • Search Google Scholar
  • Collapse
  • Expand
Cover Journal of Evolutionary Psychology
Journal of Evolutionary Psychology
Print ISSN:
1789-2082
Online ISSN:
2060-5587

Journal of Evolutionary Psychology 
Language English
Size  
Year of
Foundation		 2007 (2003)
Publication
Programme		 changed title
Volumes
per Year		  
Issues
per Year		  
Founder Akadémiai Kiadó
Founder's
Address		 H-1117 Budapest, Hungary 1516 Budapest, PO Box 245.
Publisher Akadémiai Kiadó
Publisher's
Address		 H-1117 Budapest, Hungary 1516 Budapest, PO Box 245.
Responsible
Publisher		 Chief Executive Officer, Akadémiai Kiadó
ISSN 1789-2082 (Print)
ISSN 2060-5587 (Online)

Monthly Content Usage

Abstract Views Full Text Views PDF Downloads
Apr 2023 20 0 0
May 2023 21 0 0
Jun 2023 13 1 1
Jul 2023 26 1 2
Aug 2023 15 0 0
Sep 2023 18 0 0
Oct 2023 0 0 0